Attn: Couples of the world

Dear couples of the world,

Hi. My name is Z. First of all, let me preface this by saying I support you one hundred percent, as long as you're happy. I haven't exactly had the best share of what you have, but I'm not bitter at all about it. Really, it's fine. I don't want one anymore.
However, I feel it would be a disservice to humanity if I didn't express my discomfort with something.
It's more than fine to be in love and want to touch each other and show the world how happy you are and all. I'm TOTALLY fine with that. However, I would like you to refrain from necking.
Particularly in the "secluded" sections of my bookstore. I can still see you. Oh yes, I can see you; groping and all. I can practically make out every complete revolution of one tounge around the other (I could count them if I wanted to. Which I don't.)
I'm not saying you have to behave a la "Buffalo '66" ("We are the couple that does not touch. We love each other very much, we span time together, but we do not touch each other") but PLEASE take your necking/fondling/grinding/foreplay behind closed doors (or at least to places that you KNOW are secluded).
Hand-holding? Fine! I do it, too!
Quick pecks on the cheek and/or lips? Aww, how sweet!
Playful (and BRIEF) grab-assing/titty-play? Oh, you.
Makey-outy handfuls-'o-fleshy fun time? GTFO.

It's time you know that when me and my bespeckled friend with a breifcase stare at you in disgust, we are actually staring AT YOU. Not behind you, not to the side of you. AT YOU, YOU HORNDOGS.

Yours,
Z Von Dexter