Tu Mi Piaci

Guess what I did yesterday?
I went to see the paternal side of my family. I hadn't seen them all together in one place in a long, long time.
And you know?
It was ridiculously nice. I really, really missed my baby brothers. I mean, a lot. So much that it kind of hurt. They are growing up beautifully and they both have something special, really special, about them.
And this is going to sound completely contradictory to everything I've ever said about my dad and my stepmom (honestly, blogs written about them are mostly written out of frustration and/or anger, so it sometimes comes off a bit meaner than I expected), but it was really nice to see them, too.
I want things to get better more than anything. And I know they will, I really do. I guess things just happen that you can't control sometimes and you have no idea how it'll turn out.

After I saw my family, I saw Yes Man, which is surprisingly good. And I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but Zack and Miri Make a Porno is RIDICULOUSLY wonderful.
I saw both aforementioned movies with the same person (which is why I thought of it) so I guess he and I just have really good taste.

Zeke and I got in a ridiculous fight over something really stupid (and, unfortunately, I take the blame for instigating it. *sigh* Women.) I had been in a stand-off for a week straight with my friend Jesse (who is arguably my "emotionally attached friend with benefits"). But because everything is so silly all of the time, both conflicts were resolved the same night and I couldn't help but smile and giggle like a horny schoolgirl because everything was not only back to normal, but three times as wonderful.

I like people. And Christmas. Especially Christmas.

DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE WONDERFUL THINGS?!

MOD PODGE IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING
I bought it because it was on sale and it was the recommended non water-soluble glue for DIY screen printing and then I found out IT MAKES THINGS REALLY SHINY AND SMOOTH AND MAKES ME WANT TO PET THE STUFF I PUT IT ON.
It makes things much more legit-looking than loose ends from shitty glue sticks and bits of lint stuck to things. Obser-uv:
I made this tonight because I couldn't sleep due to our neighbors being complete assholes and not turning down their shitty reggaeton music at 2:30 in the morning.

And inside....
My ever-impressive condom collection!
(P.S. Use One condoms. They have cute pictures on them and the studded ones feel amazing. Better than your average Durex.)


Mod Podge, I love you, I don't know how I ever lived without you. Please marry me?

ALSO, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT PORN RANGERS?!

The Porn Rangers are these two guys, both ordained ministers, who drive around in a van trying to teach kids how porn/masturbation is wrong. They do this by taking kids of all ages in to their van, making them watch porn, and videotaping them jacking off and then showing it to them.
They think this will make kids not want to watch porn anymore.

They also sell the tapes of kids jacking off to other people, for "educational purposes", thinking that no one wants to watch kids jack off and that will, henceforth, cure them of their "addiction".
They don't believe that there are, indeed, people out there who DO want to watch that.

The thing about the porn rangers is that they're not pedophiles, they're just oblivious idiots.
Seriously, go read the interview in Vice with them. It's piss funny and kind of painful to read at some points because these guys are so clueless.

Porn Rangers, I salute you for being such fucking fucking fucking idiots.

Snarf snarf.

Over the past few months, I've become incredibly close to a boy I've known since pre-school named Zeke Moorhead. We didn't know we knew each other until July, when he added me on facebook (har har) and we started talking. A few weeks later, he was my best friend.
I don't like getting emotional. I feel like it pushes people away and I like having internal feelings about people that I keep to myself that I can savor alone. But even though I joke around all the time about it, I don't think he realizes how much I appreciate him. I really do owe a lot to him. We've had some insanely fun times together.

Last night, we had a huge party with about 30 of our friends who I'm absolutely crazy about. There were a few instances where I couldn't help but think about the first few days we hung out. We went in a big circle from south street to lombard street and back again. We would get Wawa milkshakes and talk about how bored we were.
When it was warmer, we'd sit at the fountain on 2nd and south and I would draw stickers and he would do things like eat poundcake with no teeth or just stop in the middle of the sidewalk and drool. We started going to the park more when it got colder. There was a night when I decided it would be a good idea to go out and get hot chocolate. We met at wawa and did not get hot chocolate. We did, however, get white rice at the chinese takeout place we can't show our faces in anymore. We went to the park and he drew silly things all over my arms and legs and shoes. That remains one of the best nights I've ever had.

When we first started hanging out, we frequently ran in to my friends, who subsequently thought we were dating. Which is funny, as we openly refer to each other as brother and sister.
There were two extremely brief occurrences where I was attracted to him, but really, we're better together as brother and sister.

The first "party" we ever had was a cereal picnic in Rittenhouse Square. It was extremely fun and I think it made us a lot closer with the people that I was already friends with. I really owe so much to him. When he first met me was at the peak of my bulimia, and, really, I've put him through some obnoxious drama. But he has never once let me down. It's so nice to have someone to listen to Joy Division and Gang Of Four with who also steals light bulbs from churches and giant christmas trees. Sometimes I just want to give him the biggest hug in the world.

Apologies for the sentimentalisms, but it seemed quite appropriate.
I hope he doesn't read this.

LOLOLOL DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

Disappearing Acts

I don't have a father.

I never have. I don't know him.

I know who he is, I can pick him out of a crowd. He's that non-descript looking fellow with glasses and a maroon bike with a banana seat who works at the Philadelphia Record Exchange on saturdays and sundays. But if I could just make him and his wife disappear, then I would in a heartbeat. They don't want me around, so why should I give them that courtesy?

Daddy died minutes after my parents divorced and became Bob, and sometimes Robert Jr.

I sometimes wonder if he's ever thought of me and how I was doing and how old I am (because I don't think he knows). I wonder if he knows what color my eyes are or how tall (short, rather) i am or what music i like (because we like exactly the same music) or that i'm actually dying slowly because as I'm writing this I haven't eaten in three days.

After Bob got remarried to Anne, joint custody over my little brother and I was agreed upon. Privately, they agreed on Thursdays and Saturdays every week, when we would spend the night there. Until our two half brothers were born, those nights consisted of T.V. dinners, late nights of television, and the internet.

Last summer, Anne banned me from their house for about 2 months for a youthful kleptomaniac mistake that I righted and apologized extensively for.

About 5 months ago, I was kicked out for good. They took my brother in to live with them, henceforth leaving me as the only sibling that wasn't allowed to see the paternal side of my family.

It was a good three months before I made any contact with any of them. I stopped in to see Bob at work one day with my boyfriend at the time. He honestly looked as if he was about to cry.

Bob had never hugged me before that day. I was scared. He asked me if I was ever going to stay over the house again.

"I might stop by for Christmas"

"I HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG?!"

I was so tempted to say that if I could, in good consciousness, make him wait until he was on his deathbed, then I would. I told him that I would come over sooner if Anne wanted me there, but I don't like going places that I'm not wanted. Seconds later, I left.

He doesn't want me. Neither of them want me. Bob is utterly incapable of taking care of himself, let alone 4 kids. Anne is giving him security as long as she gets what she wants. In a word, he's whipped.

I've been stopping by and saying hi almost every weekend. I feel like I'm spoiling him.